chloe: the bigness of big


:am i really a baby?:

chloe & i having some fun :)


:to medicate or not to medicate:

i feel very torn right now.

i just returned from taking chloe to the doctor due to the fact that she's been tugging her ears and waking up at night. i started to have concern that an ear infection may be brewing. her eczema has also been flaring up a lot.

the good news is that her ears are completely fine.

but all day, as i waited to go to the doctor, i began to feel a gnawing ache that something wasn't right. i started to figure out that she didn't have an ear infection. she just didn't have the symptoms.

what i do know is that she has eczema and that an MD would immediately prescribe a steroidal cream. and there's the dilemma...i won't give chloe something of that nature.

well, i was exactly right, down to what he would prescribe and what he thought her ear tugging was about.
he explained that she had atopic dermatitis, which i already knew.
as he spoke, i realized that the trip was basically useless, except for giving me piece of mind about her ears.
while he was explaining what this was, i was thinking about how little people know and how little they research. the average parent would just walk in and assume that he knew the cure and not think about other options. this has been a point of frustration for me for a very long time, especially when it comes to all things children.

i feel confused. from an ethical and health standpoint, i feel it's wrong to give my 3 month old daughter a steroid. i am a firm believer that our bodies react to things and are trying to tell us that something isn't right inside, which is exactly what her body is doing. giving her a potent medication may temporarily stop itching or make the rash disappear, but it won't change her internal structure, and may have other side effects. she may have an allergy or something else that needs to be explored. but people don't explore that. even worse, many doctors don't explore this.

because this is chloe's blog, i don't want to rant too much. but, this is a subject important to chloe's life and our experiences as parents, so i feel that i should be able to share some of it. if you really want to read more of my digressions and frustrations, visit

when thinking about raising a child, there are always the obvious concerns. but until you're there, you don't realize how many little decisions, with big impact, have to be made. making a decision for another human being, especially one's child, is so detrimental. we are shaping them and responsible for everything.

so, i return to the place i started. chloe has eczema and itches it occasionally and seems to have found her ears. she won't be getting any hydrocortisone. but her mom will be getting more educated and cutting out ALL dairy in an effort to see if an allergy could be the culprit.

on lighter notes, some remnants of fun with iPhoto from Christmas...


:afternoon with the pa:

chloe enjoyed some time with grandpa guy yesterday. here are lots o' photos, mostly taken by grandpa :)


:relentless talking?:

this noise she's making is beginning to make me crazy. at first, it was kinda cute; we'd just watch her stare at things and make these talking/whining noises. now, it's not funny. it's annoying, and even makes me wonder if something is maybe causing her discomfort. she doesn't seem to have a fever. she's eating normally. her poop is regular, normal color. she's not screaming in pain, but just whining. she could be tired, as she's regressed into waking up 2x a night. i don't know, but i really wish she would return to the cooing, sleeping chloe. thankfully, she still smiles and seems relatively happy for most of the time she's awake.
oh how they grow so quickly.

she's been getting more tummy time since i've been so negligent in making her have it. i don't want her to be under developed or something, so i've been making it a point to put her there everyday until she gets completely frustrated. she's definitely getting much stronger. still not rolling completely over or scooting, but i see it in the near future. she almost went from back to stomach the other night. she got completely on her side, but just couldn't quite swing that leg over to the other side. soon enough. here's some shots of her frustrating attempts at keeping her chin up...along with a comparison shot of me:


:blah blah blah:

so, she's been doing this thing where she's loud. could she possibly be teething? she's very young for that, but maybe? she's been chewing on stuff a lot. ah well. a few photos from the other day...

:the sick 'ems:

well, jared and i have both been sick now. we're praying chloe doesn't get it. i was only sick for one day, and feel totally better today, thank God. taking care of a baby and being sick is pretty difficult without someone to help you. jared is still getting over a cough that he's had for a week. poor guy. he roughed it on the couch for 2 nights to keep from waking the babe, but she's still woken up twice a night for the past couple nights. i really hope she is ok. she went for over a week without one wakeup in the middle of the night. it's kind of odd to suddenly turn.

it's been chilly here, at least for so cal. we've had to use the heater and keep chloe bundled at all times.
she's been doing this new thing where she just baby talks. it's not really a whine, but many different high pitched cooing noises, like she's trying to say something. she doesn't really look at us, but she'll stare at the ceiling and make herself known...very loudly.

because her face thing seems to be better when she's not slathering it with drool, i've gone back to swaddling her during naps. it seemed to get worse when i stopped because she would suck on her hand while falling asleep and then drag drool to the side. since she's been swaddled, the face has been about 80% better. still there, but healing. i still believe that she may be allergic to something i am eating, but i am just going to discuss it with doc in a month.

along with efforts to stop the hand suckage, we've tried, in vain, to re-introduce the pacifier. basically, it's futile. i get her to suck, very haphazardly, for about 10 seconds before she loses control and spits it. or, she'll look at us and smile and lose control. it's hard to be upset when she smiles back.

i'm posting our Christmas card here. we could only afford a limited number, so if you didn't get one, my apologies. but, here it is for ya'll to see. hope you have a beautiful, peaceful Christmas.


:the beauty of a sleeping babe:

today as i was doing various computer things, i held chloe. she was completely alert, and then i looked down a couple minutes later to find her out, and drooling all over my arm. thanks to my trusty in-screen camera, i captured this priceless shot. notice the shiny stream of drool down my arm.

her face continues to be red. now it seems to be more concentrated on her left cheek, where as before it was the right. it comes and goes without warning. i still haven't been able to pinpoint what she may be allergic to. maybe i should just fast and it'll get better?

oh...jared wanted me to add something. i told him to write it, but for some reason he feels weird writing on here.
so, the other day he was holding chloe up in the air, making her know, the perfect daddy moment. i told him to watch it because she would throw up on him if he held her like that too long. well, just like the pee pee incident, where i told him to get her in the bath asap because she'd pee on him, he didn't really listen. chloe's cuteness won him over, but her barf was what covered him. he got it to the face and up the nose...and she just dawned a smile. thankfully he had enough of a reflex to get the mouth closed. but the scent of fresh baby barf was present every time he breathed for quite awhile.


:kill your televison:

i forbid chloe to watch news...but apparently, when i wasn't looking she got ahold of the remote and snuck a peek. darn kiddo.

let's see. i'm not sure what i wrote the last time.
so, here's a quick update.

jared has been a bit under the weather, so chloe and i have been playing nurses the last couple days. chloe is exceptional. i'm marginal.

we signed the lease for our condo and will be moving feb. 1, 2, or possibly the 3rd. most likely the 2. so, if you're in so cal and want to help, we sure wouldn't mind a few extra hands. we can't wait.

chloe has succeeded in pleasing me with graceful, uninterrupted sleep for 3 nights in a row. 2 nights ago, she slept until 8 am!! amazing. looks like we've got her sleeping through the night regularly. her feedings have spread out to every 3 hours, which seems to really help. what a kid.

not sure if i mentioned that i have been pumping milk for a local milk bank. this is a great cause. i believe i posted a link to the national milk bank site in an earlier post, if you'd like to check it out. if you're unfamiliar with this, basically, they give me a really nice industrial breast pump (to keep!), and when i get about 20 5 oz. bottles full, they send me a cooler, i wrap it up, and ship it back to them. they do whatever they do (?) to get the milk ready, and then its given to children that don't have access to breast milk. a very worthy cause. i mention it now because i have started the collection process over this past week.

anyway, i think that's about all. say prayers for us as we gear up for a very busy season in the schauermann household.


:a night in bed:

these last 2 nights have been fabulous. chloe has slept through the night, meaning, she eats around 9pm, goes to bed about an hour later, and sleeps until 6:15-6:30. but last night, was particularly great. it was the first time that i got to sleep through the night without getting up once. i remember waking up around 2am, hearing chloe making sleeping grunts and noises, thought about getting up to pump, but fell back to sleep. i didn't wake again until 6:15. it was heavenly.


:toys toys toys:

in an effort to change up the mundane routine of our days here at home, i started introducing chloe to some toys. first, i played with her little cow puppet making funny voices. she seemed interested, possibly confused at why i was talking but this funny looking thing was bouncing in front of her face. then, i got this yellow bear thing that rattles, crinkles and vibrates when you pull the string. she laughed at it yesterday, and today i just left it sitting next to her. she starting grabbing and lifting it up, at first just out of a gripping instinct, but then out of sheer curiousity. she looked at it like she does when she becomes engulfed in the beauty of her moving hand.

her development as of late seems to be exponential. we are so proud and humbled.

jared and i took one night away for our one year anniversary while auntie jen s. kindly watched chloe. i don't know that i'll ever want to be away like that least not while she's so small. i missed her terribly. but it was also good to regroup as a couple and realize just how good we have it.

and, to top it all off, we are going to sign the lease on a new place tomorrow! we won't be moving until february, but can't wait. it's a 2 bed/ 2bath condo in north park...secured complex, garage, 2 balconies, a block from morley field, across the canyon from balboa park and the zoo...and only a couple blocks from jared's current starbucks. of course, come feb., he'll probably be leaving that store. either way, we are centrally located in a great up-and-coming neighborhood. and for those of you familiar with north park, it's in the good part :)

that's our update. sorry i've been a bit negligent on the postings. lots of new, but exciting things coming our way!

:a little twist on Christmas:

the world is a changing place. and part of that change has been the onset of a consumer lifestyle. having a child and wanting to do our best to raise her to love without ceasing, and remember what this season is truly about, we request that any Christmas gifts directed towards our family come in the form of a donation to a charity. this season, we want to try to be more about giving and less about receiving; be focused on the beauty of Christ, rather than the stress of a mall; embrace the gift of one another.
below is a list of some charities that we believe in. to learn more about this project check out FIXMAS.

* Food on Foot
*Salvation Army
*Human Milk Banking
*Prodigal Project
*Rock for Life
*Save Darfur
*National Gardening Association
*Northwest Medical Teams International
*KCRW-Listener supported radio in Los Angeles

If you choose to give to one of these charities, or another, please let us know!
many thanks.
We love you all.


:quien es:

thanks to my dad, we can do a little side-by-side comparison...

:the amazing hand:

chloe is beginning to follow her hand. of course, in line with our theory that she's a lefty, she only follows the left one. it's hilarious to watch. she gets a very pensive look. usually it's when she's sitting in her little chair or the swing and she tunes all else out. then, she just starts moving it up and down, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. it almost looks like her eyes are closed because she kinda looks down at it...but i finally figured out that she's just watching it move. it's so fabulous to watch a baby discover things that are so obvious to us...but at one time it wasn't. we all have gone through that process, and still are in different ways. the learning, the growing, the exploring never cease.