chloe: the bigness of big


:shot & run:

so, she had the shots. i didn't have a good feeling going into it, but it's a catch 22. in the end, i think the shots were the better option.

when you hear parents talk about how awful it is so see your child in pain, it never resonates until you ACTUALLY see her/him in pain. although brief, those 30 seconds of chloe screaming and writhing in pain were not fun.

on the way home, i thought of two things.
one, was the realization that, as a parent, we will have to see her in pain for her whole life. maybe it won't be in the form of a shot or the flu, but someday she will get her heart broken, or someone will tease her, or worst of all, we will say something mean to her that hurts her spirit. and most likely, all of those things will happen somewhere down the line. it's heartbreaking for us as parents. this is only the beginning of her tears. the world is a horrible place. thank God Jesus loves us.

the second thought i had was about myself. i have never so wholeheartedly had a person's best interest in mind. i feel that we always have alterior motives in the things we do. i know for myself, that it's often a subconscious. i've been in denial about how selfish i am until i had chloe. i've never felt such devotion, love and selflessness for another human being. i wish that i could say that was untrue, that i felt that much towards my family or my husband. sadly, i am human and fallible. but i am being refined.

so, there's today's daily confession.

on better notes, i also had my blood taken today to start the process of donating breast milk to children in africa. i'm very excited about this. i see this as a great way to utilize a gift i've been given...a healthy child that drinks milk.

with that, here's my swinging chloe, while she was not screaming in pain...


Post a Comment

<< Home