chloe: the bigness of big


:first of firsts:

today was her first day of daycare.
i am not really sure what to think.
i am thrilled on the one hand, but like all of you parents out there know, there is a sadness, an emptiness that accompanies the freedom that is very unsettling.

i keep reminding myself that we wanted this, for her and for us, but mainly for her.
and as i think about that very fact, i am suddenly inundated with countless future moments where i will be watching my daughter leave, maybe out of anger, maybe out of simply growing up. either way, she will be gone.

my day was full of valleys and peaks. i cried when we got home from dropping her off, but rejoiced when jared and i were able to have a LUNCH date. i forced myself to sit for 5 minutes before i went to get her, even though i was dying to to see her.

when i saw her sweaty, rosy cheeks, and she saw me, the screams of "baba" could not have been sweeter. i wanted to do everything with her.
and that is when i knew this was the right choice. we all need our time. i am a better, more patient mother and wife when i have a few moments to myself; even if "myself" means me and an entire store full of people. it is kelly, the woman, not just kelly, the mother. there is a difference, albeit, it sometimes gets confused.

so, one milestone down, just before her 2nd birthday. it's good prep for the future.

just look at this face (and the new [first] haircut):


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