chloe: the bigness of big


:waddle out of the swaddle:

as we prepare to move, the sleepiness seems to mount.

although chloe has been much less fussy the past few days, her nighttime sleep continues to be sporadic. sometimes she'll sleep through the night; sometimes nearly through it; and sometimes, she'll be up 2 or 3 times. thankfully, she seems to favor the wake up once routine, and then she'll sleep until 7:30 or 8. i'm content with that, as i still get a good 7-8 hours over the course of the night. i'm hoping that maybe she'll be better once she's in her own room, her own crib and without the bathroom noise in the mornings.

we can't wait to move. it can't seem to get here fast enough. we could certainly use prayer as we move out and then in, and also for our current landlord situation, which has been less than ideal.

jared and i had a date while my mom and sister melody (who came out on a last minute visit) watched the babe. we went to see a movie with our passes (regal cinemas, which limits our choices). since everything that's out seems to be incredibly violent or for 5 year olds, we ended up seeing the pursuit of happyness.

i found it very difficult to watch. i was on the verge of tears the entire movie, and felt very anxious. if you haven't seen the movie, i may spoil it a bit, so beware. although we are blessed enough to be in a situation where we probably wouldn't have all the same struggles as this man and his kid, i just kept picturing chloe's face and how i would approach those same situations with her, if that ever happened. if i had seen that movie before having a child, it wouldn't have been anywhere near the same. the desire to protect and provide for one's child is so innate, so strong. i felt this intense urge to protect her innocence and her safety. i felt scared, wondering how it would be if something tragic happened. while the main character made some less than wise choices, i still felt such a pang over the responsibility of being a parent. it is so lovely and rewarding and beautiful, and yet, such a burden. that sounds sort of bad, but it's not. it's just life i guess; part of living in a fallen world. i've never had such a pure (as pure as human love can be) love for anything. it's always humbling.


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